journalman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Scaring Myself With Mystery of Self Many apologies for my absence from Diaryland. I've been inexcusably absent from lots of things in my life as of late. I've been absent with deadlines, with my own career planning, and quite frankly with a bunch of positive aspects in my life. At work, I've been tying up loose ends, and in the process... being the most productive I've been in a long time. This is snowballing, quickly gaining, into a series of promising and personal objectives that I find very difficult to abandon. This may be resulting in something of a personal depression I've been experiencing. Socially, my life is going very well. I mean, it's nearly impressive the things that have been going on. It's the usual. Page-6 worthy encounters each day, and at the end of each day... when my head hits the pillow at night, I'm left with nothing. I net zero at the end of the day. I feel as if my train was de-railed long ago and that I fell off the beaten path. The road less traveled is hurting the soles of my feet. Wondering how to get back on track. Wondering how to focus more. It's begun to escape me. I've been sick the past two days. Stayed home from work... I've been absent quite a bit, of late. I really do want to get better. What the fuck is wrong with me these days? You'd think I was thrilled. I did 4 loads of laundry yesterday, mopped my room today, have a full and manageable workday tomorrow where I receive a paycheck as well, and my friends are all converging this weekend for a series of Haloween festivities. But I'm not ok. I'm sad. I miss myself. I miss time alone. I miss everything. I don't even know who I am anymore. 11:15 p.m. - 2005-10-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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