journalman's Diaryland Diary


Elizabeth St Petbuddy Budelle, Friend Rule Emphasized

I'd been, for lack of a better term, 'seeing' a woman I'd referred to on this site as Petbuddy. Tonight may have very well been the end of all things that grew above and beyond our otherwise sound friendship.

In a nutshell, she's so incredibly irritating. Tonight, for example, she second-guessed me at every turn regarding our plans, and in some instances, made me explain the logic behind my choices in front of others in our party.

When in fact, the logic was confidential, and I really just wanted her to go with the flow. I planned the evening, these were my friends we were meeting up and hanging out with, and I really think I get some say in where we go and with whom. Of course she gets say, equal say even, but her getting say doesn't give her the right to put me in awkward situations in front of others.

This isn't an issue of feminism. This is an issue "these are my friends, I tried breaking away from you tonight but you wanted to come along, and now that you have, please just come along with me and do what I have planned."

It wasn't much of a big deal, I guess. Though it reminded me of just last weekend when we were in the suburbs together and were about to leave my folks' home southbound for 2 parties.

She wanted to go north to look at Xmas lights. We were on a schedule, and she threw a little brat tantrum in the car complete with muffled whimpers while I was driving so muted that I actually had to ask, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

And all I'd get back was a pissy "nothing." Until I turned the car north, that was.

Well tonight, I just didn't want a repeat of last Saturday. Last Saturday, we were out of the city, I'd driven her there, and I was kind of stuck placating her until I brought her back.

Tonight, she caught me tense up and do a half-roll of my eyes as she insisted on an explanation as to why I didn't want to go to the party of Queens hipsters. The answer was "I prefer Manhattan yuppies in nearby lounges to $80 in cab rides and a windowless warehouse full of aspiring visual artists tripping on clubdrugs."

She took offense to my stubborness on the issue, and I hinted that I was a little insulted that she wasn't 'going with the flow'.

We all left dinner at Pe@sant and walked up Elizabeth St to get a cab. Petbuddy immediately asked, and right after my 'go-with-flow' point, if we should walk in the OTHER direction to look for a cab.

I didn't even lose it at that point. I pointed out the bad timing of the yet-again counterplan, and I was hit with a "you're fucking kidding me, aren't you?"

A part of me felt like it died right there. Such personal disregard for me and the fluid social system we all live in topped with the mouth of a first-class brat. I was floored at how far apart, as humans in this universe, Petbuddy and I are.

We were, in fact, going in the right direction, and not only was she factually incorrect in her assertion that we walk the other way, her insistence on voicing it at that moment speaks volumes about her potential to cope with or truly understand the importance of healthy interpersonal relationships.

Reeling from all this, I found myself on the corner of Houston and Elizabeth getting yelled at by her. There was sporadic cursing, a high-pitched tone, and a general attitude that I did something wrong.

By walking too fast. By rolling my eyes. Something. God fukken forbid I have a right to roll my eyes. God forbid that I actually get CREDIT for biting my tongue throughout the evening as she complained about every single thing only to enjoy it later.

But I'll tell you what. God help me if I stayed the night at her house as I'd planned.

I walked away, told her I was leaving. She called a minute later to say she had my keys & camera (I asked her to hold them during dinner)... after which I sheepishly returned, picked them up, and simply said goodnight.

We're both sad. We're both sad that our friendship turned into this. I think I know why it's not a good idea to hook up with your friends.

It's a bad idea because friends can get away with not showing one another special consideration. People who travel in pairs cannot get away with this.

But most importantly, hooking up with friends brings you even closer to them. And what if... you don't like what you see?

If you don't like the 'real' them, does it have to hurt the friendship?

3:10 a.m. - 2005-12-18


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