journalman's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Week of Jules; Petbuddy Comparo; Free At Last

Petbuddy is in Europe, and I’m realizing just how much I used her as a social crutch. To outsiders, it must have seemed as if we were dating.... I was over her house several nights per week, and she was over mine just about every weekend.

We have toothbrushes, a warm outfit, and a full change of clean work clothes at each other’s apartments. It got to the point that weekend plans were simply assumed. In Selnfeid land, that’s as good as ‘seriously dating’.

And now that we’ve had a falling out... not a friendship-ending one... but one nonetheless followed by her being out of the country, I realize that spending time with her has been self-destructive.

She smokes... she parties too much. She kvetches about everything. I don’t like the person I am when I am with her. I kvetch, too. “crabby” is not a good color on me. It’s not a good flavor of evening, and it’s no way to spend a weekend.

I just saw Jules. I’ve seen her 4 times in the past week... we’re going out again on Friday to see ‘Why We Flght”and have already made plans for Vday in Feb. Life makes sense with her; we’ve known each other for nearly a year now... and despite what we have going on in our lives, we always make time for one another.

It’s never ‘work’ with her. We don’t disagree... we put our heads together as a team, we approach our time-spent and our planning with each other in mind, and we’re generous with affection. It’s always comfortable. It’s always special with Jules.

We’re each others’ wonderwall, and we’re both so proud of it. I’m lucky to have her in my life.

And on the dating front, I met a lovely woman named Ash at an Xmas party, who only just returned to town recently. We have plans to go to her friend’s bday party on Saturday.

Though if Petbuddy was in town, I would have never been in this situation. I would have picked her up from the airport on Friday or Saturday. I forget which day she gets back.

Now that she’s been gone, I have a chance to be myself. It’s only been a few days, but I haven’t had one cigarette, I’ve been writing in my journal every day, and I genuinely look forward to both Friday and Saturday eves.

I’m sure she and I will go back to being good friends. But for now, for that to happen, I need to be myself now and come back to that on my own later.

I hope she understands.

11:40 p.m. - 2006-01-18

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

sexyatheist
neangel
pollux
justcircles
plaidskies
danddteacher
frail
rash
mangofarmer
idiot-milk
drahmaqueen
idiomatic
captvfirefly
Beulahbondo
liviasgarden
unused-for
nesotte
sweetnettle
chickpea981
hothead
metonym