journalman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Week of Jules; Petbuddy Comparo; Free At Last Petbuddy is in Europe, and I�m realizing just how much I used her as a social crutch. To outsiders, it must have seemed as if we were dating.... I was over her house several nights per week, and she was over mine just about every weekend. We have toothbrushes, a warm outfit, and a full change of clean work clothes at each other�s apartments. It got to the point that weekend plans were simply assumed. In Selnfeid land, that�s as good as �seriously dating�. And now that we�ve had a falling out... not a friendship-ending one... but one nonetheless followed by her being out of the country, I realize that spending time with her has been self-destructive. She smokes... she parties too much. She kvetches about everything. I don�t like the person I am when I am with her. I kvetch, too. �crabby� is not a good color on me. It�s not a good flavor of evening, and it�s no way to spend a weekend. I just saw Jules. I�ve seen her 4 times in the past week... we�re going out again on Friday to see �Why We Flght�and have already made plans for Vday in Feb. Life makes sense with her; we�ve known each other for nearly a year now... and despite what we have going on in our lives, we always make time for one another. It�s never �work� with her. We don�t disagree... we put our heads together as a team, we approach our time-spent and our planning with each other in mind, and we�re generous with affection. It�s always comfortable. It�s always special with Jules. We�re each others� wonderwall, and we�re both so proud of it. I�m lucky to have her in my life. And on the dating front, I met a lovely woman named Ash at an Xmas party, who only just returned to town recently. We have plans to go to her friend�s bday party on Saturday. Though if Petbuddy was in town, I would have never been in this situation. I would have picked her up from the airport on Friday or Saturday. I forget which day she gets back. Now that she�s been gone, I have a chance to be myself. It�s only been a few days, but I haven�t had one cigarette, I�ve been writing in my journal every day, and I genuinely look forward to both Friday and Saturday eves. I�m sure she and I will go back to being good friends. But for now, for that to happen, I need to be myself now and come back to that on my own later. I hope she understands. 11:40 p.m. - 2006-01-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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