journalman's Diaryland Diary

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Tramp/Sparkle Update

Boy it's been a rough month or two.

Work, by the way, is going very well. Five months into the year, and we already matched last year's revenues. Client relationships are getting deeper, and we are being referred along into some very interesting projects. Freud said (says) that a person only needs two things in life: Work and Love. I'm pleased to say Work is sufficient, if not exhilarating.

My situation with Love, as it were, pales sharply by comparison. Yes. I do believe something pale can be pale in a sharp manner.

In a nutshell, things are horrible in that arena. Tramp/Sparkle is back in my life as a very regular compadre. She's Feminem, in so many ways. White, pretty, and more fluent in inner-city speak than standard american english. She smokes Newports, occasionally begins sentences with 'not fo nuthhan...' and generally sounds like a 40-year old Puerto Rican woman on the telephone.

I am massively attracted to her... for any number of reasons. She's hilarious, she is beautiful, she at one point was very attracted to me (doesn't happen every day...), and the one thing I know for sure about her is that she offers to spend every waking moment of her free time with me.

Neither of us wants to 'go back to where we were'. She would like to keep it simple, friendly, and allow for occasional late-night first base sprints.

It sounds just splendid for me, really, except the one thing I can't shake. I find it hard, very hard if not impossible, to see her this much and not completely fall in love with her.

We have an interpersonal chemistry like nothing I've ever seen or experienced before.

She doesn't want a relationship of any sort right now. She's very bad in situations like that. I can't believe I even want that. With her, no less.

She would make a wonderful dominatrix. She's a vixen, always in control, and extremely poised.

She's coming away with me, again, this weekend. We want different things, yet she gives me every minute of her time. I don't understand this, and it doesn't satisfy the requirements for satisfaction in that "Love" category.

More on this later.

12:05 a.m. - 2006-06-02

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