journalman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Many many Ramblings I haven't updated since my return from Charleston, and even though I left only a week ago, the weekend seems especially distant. I experienced the true definition of Southern gentility while the folk I met did their best to not ostracize me for having brown skin. I often find myself as the only non-'white american' in the room. I easily was as a child growing up, however as an adult, I've come to truly appreciate it. You see... when I walk into a room, 50% of the people won't have anything to do with me. The remaining 50%, however, are intrigued. Having 50% of the room intrigued by you is quite an accomplishment... not many people can do that. In my lifetime, I've only recently begun to harness this asset. I'm rambling. It's because it's late, and I've been cheerfully imbibing since just about seven PM. I spent tonight with a motley crew of friends... each so different from one another. I have to say that Mindy is quite a human being. I met her off THIS thing (d-land) years ago, and through her professional ascension, she's visited NYC frequently, and now is settled in. For a multidimensional, eligible bachelor in NY, it's quite rare to find such a sane chickfriend who can keep up with you conversationally. Mindy makes it look easy. The time has come to set my course professionally. I recently just SAVED my friend Berry from getting fired. I envy the very advice that I gave her. She's the marketing director for a fairly monstrous stock & securities brokerage. She suspected for some time that her boss was going to let her go, and she shared his fear with me last week. I said point blank, "Well if I were your boss's golfing buddy, and he sought my advice on whether or not to fire his marketing director, I'd have a few questions all lined up. 'Has she submitted a marketing plan?' 'How does it fit in with the overall corporate straegy?' Has she implemented an insightful SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats) analyis?' 'Does she accurately represent company financials and growth opportunities?'" Things like that. I filled her head with it. She went ahead and wrote out a beautiful marketing plan. The girl's fresh out of school and covered just about every base that could be addressed. The day after she finished, her boss called her into his office (without seeing it), and fired her. But that's my Berry, you see. She grabbed her plan, marched into HIS boss's office, and presented it to him with the news that she was fired. He re-hired her at a BIGGER salary, and she is now as happy as could be. I want that. I'm an old man, you know. 31 years of age. It's my time now. Tramp/Sparkle has made a reappearance. I can't even count the number of times I've sworn that I wouldn't let her back in. I'm not a grudge person, I guess. I'm sensitive. That effing sucks, man. But it's true. I haven't spoken to her in weeks. She called yesterday after work, and wanted to hang out. We spoke for a bit, instantly recognizing our friendship, and I agreed to meet her. She made a full set of consessions. She came to MY office, she came upstairs and sat on the couch til I was done working, and then she agreed/voluntered to go to MY bar of choice. The one she normally rejects on principle alone. I'm a sucker for concessions. I know two things for sure: 1) This is not the girl for me. Though quite beautiful, she's an absolute disaster. The opposite of 'wife' material. I'm beginning to see my experience with her as a major life lesson. The development of my standards. Prioritizing. If I wanted, we could be married with children by now. She's always we'd have GORGEOUS children together, and I think I agree. But she's in my life as proof that I know better. She's a lesson in tolerance, a long-term diplomacy project. We also have stipulated that we're going to be friends forever, and there's no sense in fighting it. Who knows. It's so, SO hard to date in NY. Dreams work against you. Women come here from faraway places partly to 'meet the dream guy'. The guy they couldn't find in their last town. I've tried it, this dating thing, and it doesn't work so well. I don't think I'm good at it. My mother asked me yesterday, as she has a million times before, if she could set me up with some kinda Indian doctor or some such. I almost feel like saying 'yes'. It seems so stress-free. Get the wife, raise the children, and send them to school. Teach the kids a spinning back kick. How to cool a building using groundwater. The simple plan. I've been typing a while now. I'm on the fence teetering between total depression and absolute exhilaration. Work, school, love. Family. Activities. I can't ever seem to do the right thing. I'm my own worst enemy in so many ways. I want to kick absolute ass at work, but I hold myself back. I let myself get distracted. My thoughts ramble just like this entry. I open up Outlook, Crgslist (esp the rants/raves), d-land, and then read the BBC. I let work fall to the wayside sometimes. My desktops (digital and actual) are cluttered because I'm absolutely incredible at beginning things. And absolutely terrible at completing them. Maybe it's because I wear so many/too many hats at work. Conflicting priorities all day... no opportunity for planning and execution. I hate this about my professional existence. It's not classy... I spend too much of my time scrambling. My machine isn't well-oiled enough, and it bothers me. Sarah the uber-brilliant assistant comes back into our lives in ten days. She and I make an amazing team. We're completely synchronized, and I'm very lucky that she made her way back to our firm. I'm so busy. My god I could use the help. Sarah is a perfect example of the Bear Stearns (investment bank) hiring strategy. They seek out PSDs... people who are Poor, Smart, and have a Deep Desire to be RICH. When we put our heads together, there's not a star in the universe we couldn't reach. Ok. I must sleep. 2:28 a.m. - 2006-09-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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