journalman's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She, Barnes, and Post-Sex Landmines I don't know about her. Her behavior towards me DISTINCTLY changed after we slept together this time. With many/most women, it's increased affection, possibly a better argument for long-term commitment, and all the things that naturally should come with sexual closeness. With her, it's been control. Not control over my actions and decisions, because frankly that's a given, but rather a comprehensive determination to prefer 'being in control' of all situations. Two nights ago, she asserted herself right out of making a good impression on my close friend Barnes. Barnes is the man who organized Belize; I've known him for over a decade. We sail together. She needled criticisms at him, practically tortured him for his fashion sense, sense of decency, pronounciation, including multiple references to an ex-girlfriend of his just because he made some guy humor that wasn't even directed at her. He didn't deserve that. He's goofy and silly dog of a man whose humor can be based in perversion. She knew that he could be like this. She also knew that we're dear friends would take a bullet for one another any time. She's intelligent and feline, though with Barnes she was ruthless and venomous. She just went off on him and he eventually left. She thinks it is okay to have deliberately picked into and away at him simply because his humor 'would offend most people he just met'. It's not ok to do that to me. It's not okay to do that to my friend. Being angry is one thing. Making a mental note and parting ways (what Barnes did) is another thing. But meeting somebody you've never met who is close to the introducer and then deciding to play the role of societal disciplinarian in a vicious attack on him is so far from being appropriate it's just maddening. So she came over last night. Immediately, she launched into a tirade about Barnes, though it may as well been a monologue. She didn't let me get one word in. Not a syllable. She would ask questions, not let me answer, and then continue down with her illogic fueled by emotion and anger. At one point she even lumped me in with Barnes and said I should have said something to him. The worst thing Barnes did, and it's pretty bad (though equally funny when in the right crowd) was point to an illustration of a tree root and ask us if it looked like a cow's vagina. I mean. It kind of DID. I realize I just lost all my readers. Shit. Though when SHE went into it last night, she said he made "repeated personal attacks on [her]". It's an attack on the rights of tree roots and cow vaginas worldwide, perhaps even an attack on those who are offended by the biological name of an actual body part during dinner, no doubt, but it's not an attack on HER. It's not an attack on women. At best, it's an attack on decency. She didn't let me finish. For real, I just wanted to talk about Ryan with her.. .to discuss and explore why I AM friends with him still. She wouldn't listen. She'd then command to "tell the story" when really I just wanted to kick around the subject. She put put up jazzhands and say 'go!', which totally frustrated me. At one point, she swore to listen, sat close, tilted her head and smiled at me with a glassy expression while nodding. I said the smiling was distracting me. She got angrier and then said she was listening, but will 'try hard not to smile. apparently [she is] not allowed to smile anymore'. I can't believe I didn't throw her out the window. She's the kind of girl who will NEVER return if kicked out. So I couldn't politely say goodnight. I had to take it. Ever since we slept together, she's become like this. It's absolutely crazy. By going off on Barnes she literally exempted herself from long-term girl status. She's very sexy... I am so, so, so turned on by her. As friends, we typically get along so very well. In bed... she can be SUCH a fun playmate. We have a ton of fun, and she's very active and physically talented. We did it at 4 AM, on the hammock, with her sitting perpendicular to the actual direction of the hammock. Standing against the living room wall. On the couches... both of them. Silently while dressed and her skirt pulled up on my bed with her visiting German friend sleeping 6 inches away. It comes at a very high price. She's been laying land mines all week and my god there have been explosions. Before Barnes even got there, she didn't respond to one email, still invited me out, but when I got there, largely spent time talking to her friend AND whichever strangers wanted to be chatty. She and her friend did wait for Barnes, though she cut into him almost immediately. And when I left with her and talked with her bout it, she made a scene. I asked her not to make a scene, but she did anyway. When I walked away from the scene (4 days after we slept together for the first time...) she said I KNEW IT. SEE? I KNEW IT. Then last night happened with all the conversational frustration, after which she layed down on my bed and passed out. She cuddled with me and was sweet in the super-early morning... I walked her out, gave her a kiss and said goodnight. Thank god I cancelled on her tonight. She wanted to come along while I went to dinner with Matt. Not gonna happen.. I put an end to that immediately. Thank god. Oh thank god. Oh please somebody give me wisdom/strength/drugs/whatever to figure out what to do with her. 6:10 p.m. - 2006-06-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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