journalman's Diaryland Diary


Karen Woes and Some other Stress

For the record, things are not over with her. There is chemistry, a lot of it, and I'm still repairing my self esteem from damage she did to it (seemingly) long ago.

Sean says I'm full of shit. He says that this esteem repair program is my rationalization for spending a ton of intimate time and attention with/towards her.

I don't care. As I told my sister, who is moving into her lovely new home this weekend and is remiss about not having my company/assistance, that if I spend this weekend with her and continue down the same road that I 'just may yield a very significant woman'. I told her either that, or I'll have completely miscalculated and have learned important lessons with no regrets. It's almost a win/win.

Right? God, I hope so.

My goodness, it occurs to me that I have gone far out of my way to help friends move recently. And I am not giving July 4th this year to help my own sister move. Is there something the matter with me because of this?

Or is there really something wrong with me for being up at 3 AM on a weeknight?

Things at work have never been more precariously exciting.

There is a tremendous influx of new business and great projects (inarguably a good thing) at a time when new staff is so, so incredibly hard to find and one of our key team members has been out for about a month on medical leave. For an undetermined amount of time.

I think they call this 'growing pains' for a business, but my god it's so much more to me than that.

Karen's therapist wrote us a letter citing the DSM with a serious depressive disorder.

Karen the assistant... the wonderful spirit who has been there through all the struggle into our period of growth... well, her desk is empty. Her plants are unwatered, her post-its are outdated, and she's just not there. Our company... a very small and effective... maybe even 'powerful' on a good day... firm is left without our absolute hub.

She came to us on a personal reference and has been a loyal, honest, and hard-working gift ever since. I've done what I can to increase her pay over the years, and I have consistently rewarded her dedication with more interesting and important work.

I doubt her workplace life is 'a bad thing' in her life. I happen to know there are tremendous negative influences outside of her work.

However now that we (I) have been picking up her slack, the only prudent choice I have is to absorb and re-delegate her tasks. Maybe even improve upon her processes if possible.

And while I do that, I feel as if I am losing/have lost/might lose the very backbone of our enterprise. A delightful, dedicated, and otherwise bothered spirit named Karen.

God, I'll have no idea what we'll do if she's gone forever. She made the work look easy.

It's late. And I have a huge day/weekend planned. Happy long weekend, everybody.

2:43 a.m. - 2006-06-30


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